Me, The Reticulan

Definition: grey. See photo at upper right. Not a grey in appearance, but appearances are deceiving.

My World And Welcome To It, II

Only thing ya need to know about us elves is that we kick BUTT. I've read some of those human stories--wise old elf, my ass. And what's with those lame pointed ears? Looks stupid as hell. Buncha nancies, if ya ask me. I tell ya true--fuck with us and we'll jack ya ass up. Big time. Personally, I like messin' with humans. I just lay down some of my glamour, make 'em see something that isn't there and then just sit back and laugh. Like the time I saw this couple in Magnolia Park. The dude was all over this chick. And she was lovin' it. So I made him see her like she was a bloody skeleton. Motherfucker screamed like a girl and ran! I almost peed myself, I was laughin' so hard. Still, I don't mess with 'em too much. Don't want no pogrom, ya know? See, there are some humans who can tell who's human and who's not. We call 'em sniffers. I mean, we don't stink or nuthin'. They can just...tell. But we zots can't tell the sniffers from other humans. So ya gotta be careful.