Okay. I showed my editor what I'd done. She said I was still trying to cram too much information in my one-liner, and took a "stab" at it, and sent it to me.
It was damned near perfect. And she's only read the first and last sixty pages of the book--just under a third of the ms!
So of course I'm going to use it in my queries. I mean, she cut it down (way down) from what I'd written, so some of the words are mine, right? You know, I really hope this sort of thing comes with practice, because I was ready to tear out what little hair I have left over this.
I almost dread having to come up with a one-liner for Jahannan's Children.
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